The Inevitable Question (April 2007)

I’ve been working in D for over six months now. Or to put it correctly, I’ve been in D since two quarters… or to put it correctly AND accurately, I’ve been in D since two quarters and two FWs (in case any dumb soldier reads this….FW = Financial Week).

Now, since Day # 1, a lot of things have happened.. or lets just say a lot of bits and bytes have floated down cyber creek…but one thing that amuses me most and happens with irrregular regularity is a question..an inevitable question… ” Hey R, how do you find corporate life after so many years in the Army?”

Well, it’s an interesting question…but one that I generally fail to answer to the satisfaction of my interrogators... because there’s so much to say...and they have so little time to listen.

So let me answer it here.

On the whole, life isn’t very much different. After all, that was work and this is work.

Military life was a way of life. So is corporate life.

There were people there and people here.

I could go on and on in the same vein…but I’ll list out the comparables for the ease of my readers.

Most of my superiors there were underpaid, over aged and supposedly dumb. Here they are overpaid, under aged and supposedly bright.

Most of my superiors there thought I was a smart ass maverick. Not here….not yet. Here I am an overpaid, over aged, dumb guy that’ll never make it to ’smart’….not even ’smartass’.

There were objectives and targets and unrealistic timelines there. Ditto here.

There were conferences there…which were monologues by the senior most guy present…there are meetings here…where just about everybody talks endlessly.

You worked long hours there...Ditto here. By work, I mean spending hours at work...not really work as in work.

A high CE score here means making your external customer happy…there it meant killing your external customer.

There, everybody had lofty ideas about the pursuit for excellence. Ditto here. There no one really knew how that pursuit will attain fruition. Ditto here.

There a low hanging fruit was something to be eaten if rations didn’t arrive on time…here it’s an easily achievable objective (why wasn’t it achieved so far in that case??…I have no idea)

There you ‘bounced’ an obstacle..like in crossing a canal held by the enemy…here you bounce ‘ideas’ off each other

There, a ‘one on one’ was a demi-official meeting where you talked politely to the other guy while calling him names in your head. You talked and he pretended to listen and he talked and you pretended to listen. Ditto here.

There...things were done and then talked about. Here, we talk about doing things and maybe will get to doing them, before I retire.

There I wore uniform...here I don’t.

There, a weekend was a period of time you spent at work, but in civilian clothes. Here you spend it at home and clothes aren’t mandatory.

There you got paid peanuts. Here, if you talk about peanuts, you are from the catering staff.

There anyone with a lap top at work was a nerd, a geek and a pansy…here if you don’t have a lap top, you are a member of the housekeeping staff

There, training meant bleeding knees and elbows, muddied clothes, loads of sweat and being away from the family…here it means shifting from one air conditioned room to another, listening to some hackneyed stuff downloaded from the internet with a fancy presentation woven around it and being away from your boss.

There a deck was the top end of a ship…here it’s a power point presentation.

There my seniors called me R and my juniors called me Sir. Here my seniors call me Sir and my juniors call me R.

There ‘engagement’ was something a guy took leave for prior to taking more leave to go get married. Here it means talking to people.
Here you play games to do team building. There you played a game because you already had a team.
Here you go out for drinks and dinner and so that you can bond. There you went out for drinks and dinner because you shared a bond.

There you communicated by snail mail for official work (even if the other guy was a zillion miles away) and e-mail for personal stuff. Here you communicate by e-mail at work (even if the other guy is sitting next to you) and no one gives a flying f*** of how you communicate personal stuff.

There you called up a guy and had a meeting. Here you call up AND write an e-mail AND send an outlook invite and THEN have a meeting….IF the other guy accepts and IF he can log into the call.

The list goes on and on…but I hope you get the gist of it.

A lot of things are similar...but lots more are different…and yet, I’m holding on and doing my best to survive.

Wish me luck friends…because I’ve just got a new role… to reduce attrition.
Well, it shouldn’t be difficult. The only hitch is that I’ve spent the past 26 years trying to cause attrition.

Same difference???